Ticking sound and irritation. Maybe water dripping, maybe the kitchen light. Or the refrigerator.
There wasn't any point in writing any of it down because I had a bias toward immediacy and was a little afraid of signification. A few months prior to this session of sitting I visited the mopop in seattle, where a large brass building sat its ass in the grass and let me dawdle around in it for a day. I even took some photos. The touch screen quiz told me a fantasy archetype, but I couldn't remember that.

It's very clear to me that I am not a writer. I don't like doing it. That doesn't change the fact that I spent a childhood's momentum on an undergraduate degree in creative writing. It doesn't bother me much most of the time.
Yesterday I brought an old Green Day cd to my roommates work party and set it beside a nice perfume set that would, by the good grace of the white elephant, leave the party under my arm. There was an open bar and pizza. I felt proud of myself for feeling neutral and #peaceful at the end of the twenty-person table. The boss' santa-sweater adorned chihuahua kept by my side for most of the night. I convinced myself that this was due to my #peaceful vibe and felt glad to have offered him safety. I asked a girl with snakebites and big eyeliner which tarot card represented her because she seemed like she was sitting there waiting for someone to ask her which tarot card best represented her and she pulled up a sleeve to reveal a one-to-one Rider-Waite fool on her forearm. Almost one-to-one, she replaced the dog with her deceased cat. Two of the coworkers kareoked a nostalgic song that I don't remember. It made me cry. It's starting to feel strange to remember myself at eighteen. The lack of love in my life at that time fueled a deep emotional dependency on the people I worked with at the conveyer belt sushi restaurant by the movie theater. I'm pretty sure that my job is better now but when I compare them I question if I still have the same capacity to see the spirits of beloved family members in people I worked with for two months. I hope that I do.
I bought an airbrush and like doing it but what if i want to be famous you know whatever sue me you know.
Me and bae both sweating on the couch both thinking about making it big both big balls of goo.